I am getting ready to go to the theatre for the last time this year to do the final performance of Good Will Acting. It’s been many years since I properly enjoyed New Year’s Eve and I always try to ignore it, or work like tonight. I love waking up early on the first day of the year, preferably without a hangover, and feeling gung-ho and enthusiastic and energised by what lies ahead. But before that happens I like to cast a quick look back at the year that was, just to have a bit of perspective, see the mistakes, try and have understanding and also closure with some things. It’s a little like reading the blackboard one last lime before sweeping it clean.
I think I found 2010 mostly challenging. Some battles were won after being fought hard. Others were lost and they took their toll. In general I found things, particularly on the work front, very testing, and there were many moments where I felt like I was being ‘cut down to size’. I don’t think this is all bad; self-doubt, questioning and vulnerability are all great if not harsh teachers. But the loss of self-confidence is a very hard place to come back from. There was definitely that this year.
I am looking back with a lot of faith and comfort in the things I hold dear, like my relationships and friendships. I am looking back with sadness at what was a year of loss, both in death and in separations. I am looking back and seeing the things that were disappointments; both expected and unexpected. I am looking back and seeing how fortunate I am to have come to the end of a year that was much harder and more challenging for other people I know, love and care about; people who have barely managed to keep their heads and some who lost their minds. And I am also looking back at the highlights; the moments of success and joy for me and those I know. Mostly I am very proud of my friends and chosen family. I continue to delight in their achievements. I continue to receive their support and love. I am nurtured by them, and they have stuck by me. Big Friendly, T, T, T, T, R, E, N, R, S, R, P, F, G, J, J, A, D, A, N, L, H, S and more, in no particular order. Let’s look at this new one coming with fresh new feeling.