I am immobilised today. This doesn’t happen to me very often. I usually give myself a talking to, tell myself there are those far worse off than me, remind myself to be very careful about making this all about me. But somehow these last couple of days have just gotten the better of me.
I was supposed to go to Mannenberg today for the viewing of A Silent Hero about Robert Sobukwe. I was supposed to go to Khayelitsha for a vigil for Sinoxolo Mafevuka and I was supposed to go to the theatre to see beautiful new work. And I can’t.
Yesterday was the big catalyst. It started at 7.50am (although I only found out about it a bit later) in a street just down the road from where I live. A woman was highjacked and her car taken. In the afternoon a woman posted on Facebook that she had seen an abduction just across the highway in Walmer Estate. She was in total panic and had no idea what to do. Apparently the robbers posed as taxi drivers and robbed this young woman before throwing her out. She was Mozambican and had no idea where she was. Later in the evening I saw another post on Facebook. A couple’s house in the street where I used to live was burgled and ransacked. Then, when I woke up at 4am this morning I saw another one. A woman had been mugged outside her friend’s house nearby after getting out of a cab.
Never mind the other big rape and murder cases on everyone’s minds right now.
Today I am scared; a feeling I am not familiar with. I was nervous to go and walk the dogs too early. I had to go and get something for a shoot I am doing tomorrow. I went down to the main road and I didn’t feel myself. I was on edge. I remembered that the ATM machines were not to be trusted. I saw a trio of rough kids fighting. I am jealous of people in countries where women can walk alone.
I came back home. I put stuff on hold. And I am waiting for this terrible feeling to pass. I am so sad to be immobilised, disabled.