I could feel it coming. I had been finding it harder and harder to say what I really felt about certain shows. I found myself being kinder than usual. I started feeling bad for performers. I started softening a harsh response. And then I went to see a show that I found so dismal, dreary and dead I couldn’t actually write a blog post about it at all. I had found the production completely ill considered, deadly boring, unsuccessfully designed, hideously under-interpreted, base and crass, and a waste of my (not very) precious time. I was angry when I left. I felt like bits of tatty wool were about to be pulled over audiences’ eyes. As I walked back to my car I decided that I would keep my big mouth shut on this one and simmer in my own stew of disgust.
And now I am paying for it, because then I started seeing the ‘good things’ that other people were saying about this dismal production. I thought I was going crazy. I started feeling like I was on another planet. How was this possible? Surely not? But, yes. From what I could gather, certain bloggers and critics seemed to sort-of like this show. Others were obviously co-opted into saying good things. And I started boiling in my own bitter juices. This was an injustice. People were going to go off to this show on the recommendation of others and they would be (secretly, if not publicly) horrified that this crap could be considered to be good.
So, I have made a new year’s resolution about this. I am going to say what I feel, every single time. I will end up making people cross. I will offend certain performers and piss off directors. But, honestly, I am missing the whole point of doing this if I don’t put it out there, good, bad and completely hideous.
PS. For those of you who wondered what I thought about the unmentionable show before you decided to go and see it, I promise to honour your readership better and more from now on.