Does anyone else write directions on their parking ticket to help them find their car when they park in confusing parking garages like The Christiaan Barnard Hospital, or the V & A Waterfront, or even the Gardens Centre (how many times have you gone down the little ramp instead of up?)?
I go and have my teeth cleaned by a special periodontal hygienist every five months because I am prone to gum disease. It is the only health thing I am absolutely diligent about. And I always used to get lost in the parking lot. It really is one of the worst. Half way up a particular level it changes from 5 to 6. Today I was parked exactly on the cusp. I wrote down 5/6 and 22 for the number of my parking. This was no help in locating the spot since just opposite me was 94. I don’t know why. Then I have to remember whether to turn left or right at my car, and whether I go slightly down the ramp, or slightly up the ramp to get to the lifts. I write notes like “5/6 22 left out car, left (remember opposite coming back) down ramp (up coming back). While I was writing the hygienist called to find out if I had forgotten my appointment. No, I said. See you in 10, just trying to get out of the parking lot.
Getting out of the parking lot is only one in a list of directional confusions, even if I have done this twenty times. So, I today parked on 5/6 and then I need to take the lift up, to 8, which is reception, and then I need to cross reception and go down two floors to 6 (yes, one would think that was the floor I parked on, but no, using logic here is futile), which is where the hygienist is. (To add confusions to the mix my gynaecologist is in the same complex, on the 14th floor, in the main building.)
The hygienist is amazing, even though it is a horrible, painful 40 minutes. Today, when she was done she handed me a little mirror to show me a ‘concern’ she had. She pointed out a back tooth to me. This was the only tooth that had a filling in it. I said, “This filling. It has been giving me problems.” She said, “what filling?” It had come out. The one tooth that had a filling, the only filling in my mouth, was no longer filled. I told her I didn’t want to go back to the dentist who had done the job, (and had referred me to them). She said, no problem and referred me to another dentist, conveniently situated in the same complex. His rooms are only accessible from the mezzanine floor. So, that will be park on 5 or 6 or 5/6, go down to mezzanine, out the building and into the next one. Kafka couldn’t even make this shit up.
I am home now. Too scared to phone the new dentist. Because parking.
I just called. So, the receptionist told me to park, go down to the ground floor, look for the staircase behind the ATM to go up to the mezzanine floor. If you don’t hear from me after Thursday morning next week, come look for me. I’ll be stuck in a mezzanine time loop forever.