I have a confession to make. I suffer from jealousy. It’s one of the ugliest and least useful things to suffer from, and even though I know this, I often find it hard to shift. I am so aware of my jealousy I even think about how others may be jealous of me when things are going well for me.
I am usually only jealous about work stuff though. I am not jealous about things, or money, or cars, or diamond jewels, but I am often jealous of roles, or work opportunities, or big budgets to direct plays, or full houses of people who paid R150 a ticket. It brings out the worst in me, this jealousy. It is so pointless and frustrating and rage inducing.
And when I breathe, and look inward, I am mostly able to acknowledge all I do have, and all the amazing things I do actually do. Honestly, I have absolutely no reason to compare myself to anyone else, and it is an unnecessary evil, and I try and control the impulse. But then I see on social media that someone is doing this thing that I suddenly really want to be doing, and off I go.
This is the beginning of me dealing with my jealousy. I am hoping a confessional purge will help.