Yes you. Please, take this personally. I am writing this here because everything I could tell you you won’t hear. Everything anyone says won’t help. All advice, admonishment, promises and pleas will fall on your deaf ears, and frankly, you don’t deserve the energy that all of that would take.
I want you to know that I will only call you drug addict. I will not use your name because you have relinquished it. Your name belongs to the person you no longer are. You are now just drug addict. You have surrendered your human identity. You have lost all personality, individuality, integrity. You have lost all the things that made you a special human being and you have gained the notoriety of generalisation. You are nothing more than drug addict; one of millions who are all the same. All the lies are the same. All the false promises are the same. All the paths lead to the same hell.
I need you to know that you no longer hold the power of influence over those you love because you have no power over yourself. I need you to realise that your self hatred and destruction will not be bought into by anyone. I need you to acknowledge that the drugs and your need for them have replaced all love, truth, respect, loyalty and, most importantly, all hope. The drugs are your obsession, your mistress, your preoccupation, your reason for living. There is no space for anyone else.
I am tired of watching you hurt those closest to you. I am sick of witnessing you manipulate them. I am repulsed by your broken promises, your lies, your lack of accountability, your placing the blame everywhere but with yourself. I am tired of waiting for you to fail, relapse, go back on your word, disappear, steal. I am horrified by how stupid you think we all are and how you have no respect; for yourself or those who still care about you.
You are so close now to reaching the end of the line. You might come out of it alive and clean. That is my wish but I acknowledge how unlikely it is. Your track record is not good. I know that it is possible you will die, or end up in jail. Honestly, you are on your own now; and it is only you who can make those choices. We can’t watch. We need to walk away. None of it is up to us.
Maybe, if you survive, you will see the pain you have caused to those who loved the you with a name. Maybe, if you survive, you will ask them for forgiveness for the abuse, lies and sordid situations you put them into. Maybe, if you survive, you will have this conversation with me, to earn your name once more.