Megan's Head

A place where Megan gets off her head.

Open letter to a drug addict

Yes you. Please, take this personally. I am writing this here because everything I could tell you you won’t hear. Everything anyone says won’t help. All advice, admonishment, promises and pleas will fall on your deaf ears, and frankly, you don’t deserve the energy that all of that would take.

I want you to know that I will only call you drug addict. I will not use your name because you have relinquished it. Your name belongs to the person you no longer are. You are now just drug addict. You have surrendered your human identity. You have lost all personality, individuality, integrity. You have lost all the things that made you a special human being and you have gained the notoriety of generalisation. You are nothing more than drug addict; one of millions who are all the same. All the lies are the same. All the false promises are the same. All the paths lead to the same hell.

I need you to know that you no longer hold the power of influence over those you love because you have no power over yourself. I need you to realise that your self hatred and destruction will not be bought into by anyone. I need you to acknowledge that the drugs and your need for them have replaced all love, truth, respect, loyalty and, most importantly, all hope. The drugs are your obsession, your mistress, your preoccupation, your reason for living. There is no space for anyone else.

I am tired of watching you hurt those closest to you. I am sick of witnessing you manipulate them. I am repulsed by your broken promises, your lies, your lack of accountability, your placing the blame everywhere but with yourself. I am tired of waiting for you to fail, relapse, go back on your word, disappear, steal. I am horrified by how stupid you think we all are and how you have no respect; for yourself or those who still care about you.

You are so close now to reaching the end of the line. You might come out of it alive and clean. That is my wish but I acknowledge how unlikely it is. Your track record is not good. I know that it is possible you will die, or end up in jail. Honestly, you are on your own now; and it is only you who can make those choices. We can’t watch. We need to walk away. None of it is up to us.

Maybe, if you survive, you will see the pain you have caused to those who loved the you with a name. Maybe, if you survive, you will ask them for forgiveness for the abuse, lies and sordid situations you put them into. Maybe, if you survive, you will have this conversation with me, to earn your name once more.

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19 Comments

  1. Dee Gpnatas

    stripped bare, heart squeezing reality check. nothing more left to say, thanks

  2. Mother of 2

    Just for today, I will not be manipulated by the deceit and lies of an addict.
    Just for today, I will be strong enough to say no more, and put myself first.

  3. Jenny Gonatas

    So painful after such huge & high hopes, and now, left behind all tired with nothing to show for all the effort. Bar the humiliation knowing that all effort was wasted. Bilge.

  4. Herman Lategan

    Very good letter. Now time for tough love, walk away.

  5. Margie

    Yo Megan! Eina, and my heart hurts for the non-addicts. Thanks for writing this.

  6. Lydia Benatar

    Strong and true! The amazing thing is my friend is STRONG and TRUE and this will be a distant memory, if that!!! Well written.

  7. Great, thanks for sharing this post.Much thanks again. Great.

  8. Aly

    Amazing, I couldn’t have said it better.

  9. Linda Mc

    I just found your “open letter” to a drug addict. I’m sending it to a man who I love dearly, but who has hurt me deeply with his drug abuse, and has no name now too. I talked to this man this morming and told him how the drugs are his mistress. Your heartfelt words are my thoughts, and I couldn’t have written them any better. I’m sorry for your pain, and I’m sorry for mine. I don’t feel sorry for the drug abusers’ pain, because they made their choice and frankly they don’t feel pain because they are too busy numbing themselves. My choice is to finally walk away and realize I can’t help him. I wish all of who are/were in our situation much luck and happiness. We deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. megan

    Good luck Linda. Keep walking away.

  11. A.S.

    My name has no bearing, I remember this post well. it has haunted me for a long long time. i read it again with sadness in my heart. A helplessness of the realization that time can never be turned back ever again>

    Opportunities wasted, dreams dashed, people hurt – an endlessly deep abbys that can never be filled, scratches left on lives never to be polished out.

    A year and 5 days ago I read this mail again and decided!!!!!!!!!!!

    Clean and Serene……… Maybe one day restitutions can be made

  12. Christy

    OMG! Thank you so much for writing this letter. I just found it because I am trying to draft a letter to my brother-in-law and it’s so hard because I am so angry and I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. All I can say to you is THANK YOU THANK YOU. All the other letters are so easy on the addicts…they need to hear the truth and someone needs to be brave enough to tell them.

  13. megan

    Dear Christy,
    My thoughts are with you. Don’t expect miracles, but say how you feel.

  14. Brandy

    Came across this letter today … I was trying to find the words to express to someone that was nothing but my whole world … But he made a choice to choose other things it haves been nothing but a roll coaster for years … I walked away a year in a half ago … After 24 years …. And still to this day I’m still on that roller coaster….

  15. Stacey

    Hi Megan,

    My daughter found your letter last summer online and thought it explained her feelings perfectly. She asked her choreographer to create a piece to it. She changed it up just a bit- recorded her voice, and has been performing it this year as her solo. Thank you for helping her to validate her feelings that she thought may have been harsh. Her brother is clean now for 10 months! See it here in youtube: https://youtu.be/omftlj2S6T0 or on facebook: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153257964378804&id=627783803&refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FBDnzDJgssR&_rdr

  16. Stacey

    I write the letter above and just realized that I pasted the incorrect links!! Megan- would really love you to watch the dan emy daughter created using your letter!! So sorry!! Here it is!! https://youtu.be/a2J1Eaq5FIE

  17. Ah great Stacey, I will check. I wondered what had happened.

  18. Stacey Fregosi

    I see you saw this and that’s how you knew her brother has earned his name back!! Thank you so much… I am thrilled you saw it and am so thankful for your strength.
    ..

  19. Laura

    My son has no name anymore. He is just a shell of a person I used to know. Took a long time for me to realize my son no longer exists. I pray for his soul and I apologize to anyone and everyone my son with no name has hurt used lied stolen from. But mostly I apologize to my grandsons his children that are to young to remember their father when he had a name. Thank you whoever you are for writing this a perfect closing letter for all of us that have siblings children friends…that no longer have a name

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