Megan's Head

A place where Megan gets off her head.

Saving Megan’s Head

I have been resistant to this space, my own blog. It was set up and managed by someone I don’t wish to engage with, or remember. I am triggered here. This blog is a historical reminder of a life I lived with someone else; someone I loved that I no longer love.

What do I do? Do I abandon this space, and all its complexity, and leave it to the weevils of internet who will keep it alive but not breathing, for eternity? Do I give it a partial resuscitation and gentle hospital visits, with innocuous recipe updates and frilly opinion pieces? Do I commit and dedicate to making it a garden of thoughts and ideas, or does that need a new, uncontaminated space?

My instinct is to obliterate it, but the idea makes me sad and weak. Then, when I put on my wetsuit of bravado, this blog becomes what it sounds like, a bog with an ‘l’ inside it. I want to be cleaner than it makes me feel. But my own words are my reckoner. Even just thinking about it makes me tired and grumpy.

I am scared to go back to posts that remind me of how innocent I was. I am enraged to think about that version of myself. Unlike photographs that can be torn up, or digitally deleted, this space, this place, this literal legacy remains even if I don’t visit it.

Am I trapped in Megan’s Head?

 

 

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7 Comments

  1. Sandra

    A neglected blog
    Visited from time to time
    Is no blog at all.

    (I remember writing this haiku years ago, it suddenly came back to me)

  2. Rudy Nadler-Nir

    The first consideration is: do you want to keep writing to _A_ blog?

    If you do – I think it’s the perfect time to start afresh. New name and domain, new look, new narratives (even if they relate to older issues).

    So, it’s not just a new coat of paint, new furniture – it’s a totally new digital location.

    xxxxx

  3. Ashley Brownlee

    Oh Megan, I have all the feels for you. It was here, in Megan’s Head, before the grape vine caught alight, and before the birds started tweeting; that I began to see a certain someone disappear from your life. This someone that you no longer love, become ether in front of my eyes, in words that went visibly missing. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that as I watched him fade away, I will look forward to seeing you re-emerge; once again, in words. In your words. With new words. Words without him.

  4. Caren

    Beautiful Ashley. ” emerge again…in words” . This is what you can do.

  5. Coleen

    Find a new space .. your head on so many occasions is where I found my way … your head.. not the space ?

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