It’s a week to go before I start proper rehearsals for Drive With Me with my director, the awesome Liz Mills, but I want to have learnt as many of my words as possible before we start. I have been learning them for about a month now, but not very seriously, and I am just under half way. You would think that because I wrote the words myself I would have an easier time of it, but it’s actually worse; I criticise the choices I have made and agonise about changing anything. These conundrums are brilliant time wasters and can tie me in knots and make me lose focus and concentration.
Then there is the dreaded and famous actor insecurity. Now I haven’t done a one-woman show since 1998, fifteen years ago, and I imagine it is like burying the memory of childbirth pain. My brain has forgotten the panic, endless doubt and questioning. I am terrified on so many levels. What will people think? Is it a bad idea? Will they ‘get it’? Will they like it? Will they come? Am I nuts?
I have to manage these fears before they get completely out of hand. I have to feel the love and trust the material. I have to pick up the script and persevere, and not give up when I go blank, again. See you later.