Megan's Head

A place where Megan gets off her head.

Tag: anniversary

The best kind of marriage

Yesterday Big Friendly and I celebrated our 8th anniversary. It’s not a lot, compared to the many marriages out there that have lasted a lifetime, and we did only find each other later in our lives, but it has been the best working part of each of our lives these last eight years.

Last night (I felt flu-ish and feverish all day) over a quiet meal at one of our favourite restaurants we chatted about how lucky we were, with each other and for each other (I know. If anyone was listening it sounds like a Mills and Boon ending in real life), but we also spoke about why it worked and why we were so lucky. Here are some of those thoughts and reasons.

We support each other. We support each other when things are not going well for each other, but more importantly, we support each other when things are going brilliantly. I am utterly convinced that Big Friendly’s support is a large part of the success I consider I have achieved in the last eight years; professionally, socially and psychologically. I have a husband who delights that I am going to New York and Australia and will be away for a month and a half, and will do anything to help. Yes, we will miss each other, but we want the best things for each other, and will help each other have them.

We champion each others’ causes. In very different ways. Big Friendly is loyal and elephantine in memory. He does not forget a hurt I feel, and feels it long after I have recovered. I am the talk machine of support. I will talk a thing through and through, and listen to it from every angle.

We have our work around the house and Big Friendly does things for me, and me for him, with love.

I hear him when he says he doesn’t really like going out, and I go out without him, often. And then, sometimes he does come with me, to be with me. And sometimes I just stay at home, to be with him.

We have suffered the loss of animals deeply and painfully, and our love of them has brought us closer.

We are proud of each other. Glowingly proud. We show each other off when we talk about each other (but not necessarily in front of each other; Big friendly would die). Big Friendly tells everyone about my work all the time, doing publicity for me with such sincere pride in my achievements. The result is that he validates them for me, and when I have moments of doubt, they can, and are assuaged by the one who believes in me.

We recognise each other’s weaknesses but don’t use them against each other. We don’t store old hurts and bring them up to hurt each other. We generally make a big effort not to cause each other pain or anger. And we try very hard not to blame each other. This last one is not easy, for both of us, but we work on it, and get it mostly right.

We hardly ever fight. We have had maybe four big fights in our relationship of nine years. This is a personal miracle for us because I am queen of confrontation and Big Friendly is emperor of the cold war. We decided not to fight and haven’t.

Of course there are niggles. And moments of irritation. And the one time (out of twenty) that we don’t get each other, or agree. And then, we are more surprised than anything else, because there is so much we do completely see and be eye to eye on. And for those of you who know us in real life, you must know I don’t mean that literally. It’s a size thing.

It also helps that we find each other hilarious. And that we send each other pictures of animals all day.

I am getting up now. I want to make Big Friendly lunch to take to work. He is making my coffee. Life is good.

 

Cycles, synchronicity and symbolism

Today is our 7th wedding anniversary. For me there is something deeply meaningful about completing this 7 year cycle. It’s like the first phase of our marriage that we have navigated successfully, and now we move onto the next one. I love it. We love it; in different ways, but with the same intention.

Last night was the performance/exhibition/gathering of minds and eyes and ears and hearts for The Deep Red Sea. While yesterday and last night was all about action; preparing, loading, driving, setting up, doing, striking; today has been about reflecting; on how it was.

First there is the ‘how was it received’? From the feedback I have gotten it went really very well and people loved it and they were moved. People have said and written fantastic things, and sent beautiful messages.

Then there is the ‘how was it for us?’. vaun and Nica and I have spoken, and Sigrun has emailed. And we are all filled with strands of happiness and almost fulfillment. We made our dreams things. I don’t think that feeling will last long; we are all talking about our next thing, and how we will do this thing differently and all the other stuff we need to and will do. But for the moment we have no regret about how and what we did do, and we are all in a state of grace. That is the fix. That is why we do it. For that feeling. And you seldom get that feeling. But when you do! When you do!

Here is a picture from the slide show that was part of the show. I love these pictures and I particularly love this one, which is why I am putting it here. It makes me feel that feeling again; just for a little while longer.

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