I have woken up into the 7th day of my conflict with Standard Bank in a far worse place than I was yesterday. I cannot believe this is happening to me.

A new drama unfolded yesterday (one that was partly my fault, which, ironically, is easier to swallow) that has left me with no access to my home loan account either. See, on Friday I was told that the R7213.77 stolen by Standard Bank when they randomly withdrew the money from my account and closed it, would be paid back into a new account, opened specifically for that reason. I was told that it would be done that day. And, on Friday afternoon, believing that was happening, I opened an email link (retarded, retarded, retarded) thinking that that was the real thing. So, somehow, on Friday I was also the victim of a phishing plot. Miraculously, I did not do one step in the process, so all those other crooks could do was transfer between accounts, instead of pay themselves. This they did. Which is why I had no idea how R2000 ended up in my new, totally unknown Standard Bank account set up on that day.

It took most of yesterday, and a very concerned Thulani (who was pretty responsive finally, as the only Standard Bank person who has been vaguely helpful) to get to the bottom of this plot. So, I had to cancel my card, change my pin and password, and now I can’t access either the new account set up to receive the money they took, nor the home loan account, which currently has no way of being paid into, since the debit order that paid my Standard Bank home loan ran off the account that Standard Bank closed. Yes. This is all true.

Today, the 7th day of this drama, feels pretty bleak. I cannot phone anyone because Standard Bank has a policy of not having numbers for anything except the call centre. I have sent emails to the consultant at the branch (she has not replied) and to Thulani, who also has not replied. I am beyond understanding what my next step is. And this damn production is taking all y time.